Saturday, 9 December 2017

desperate prayers at this hour...

Dear God,

 I have been wandering a bit more than usual this year. I have quite a few things to ask you of!

1. Strength to do the correct things for myself.
2. Strength to take the right steps with my son
3. A better health. Lots of energy. Lots of good mornings and inherent positivism.
4. A good attitude to tide me through with in laws. I want to be a human enough with them. I hope they are too with me.
5. Brave at work and say my mind. No more bullshit and not have the need to please people.
6. Not to take things personally.
7. Make more friends - good ones who I can learn from.
8. A closure and a better perspective.
9. Meet a good girl friend.
10. Hope 2018 brings him home to see him.
11. Save money for my gray years.
12. A direction and grit.


As the 2017 sets on us, I wish for stars and the sun shine upon my son. He is my happiness source system. Makes me happy and makes me better. 

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

NOT NOT!!!


I do not like what I am doing.

I do NOT like what I am doing.

I DO NOT LIKE WHAT I AM DOING.

I agree i have responsibilities...but aint there another way of life?

---

Note to self...baby steps and consistency!


Saturday, 6 May 2017

thunder

my first love has always been the words..
my therapy and my last refuge and maybe my only

I am struggling with so many notions about myself

So many fears and compromises
I am not sure what is it I can do to work on myself

standup for myself...


---

thunder strikes hard ... stark with sizzling glory
eyes reflect the brightness all the way
makes the earth go bang bang under my feet

every cell assimilates the new knowledge
of all the foolishness and smokescreen
I had built around my fort, albeit a false one

 How much rein do i possess to put myself back ?

sense of betrayal

the sense of betrayal one feels
when the own inflicts upon
mine is not the first story...maybe millionth one..

nevertheless, I feel so mixed up and so fatigued out..due to repeated assault

how do I protect myself better?
how do I get stronger?

I dont want to be a devil with a sore head
how else can I be?

You expect me to swallow bitter pills every now and then
and not gag with bitterness

how do I manage?
Am I not a girl with dreams and aspirations?





Sunday, 20 November 2016

unexpected steps

the forbidden voices
evoking a sense of euphoria
glances exchanged unawares
stars hold our secrets
casts a spell on our beings
a chestful of moments to be relived 
stars

Sunday, 9 October 2016

new and improved


A warm welcome to myself.

A new phase of myself and my family.

Positivity and game on!

deep night

the dust settles on the concrete
moon rises timidly to a full bloom
casts those mysterious shadows holding secrets
hearts are getting closer or farther than ever before
I seek warmth within the folds of my blanket...
din of the day recedes except a random passing car...
mind rests and wanders gently plays sweet memories

all was well, time to slip into oblivion.